I normally don’t piggy back on my posts. I want people to read each piece individually and walk away complete. I am a “closure” kind of gal. But I have had several friends talk with me about my last FB Live and I believe there is more to be said on the topic of becoming THAT girl.
I doubt myself often.
I question how I come across.
I walk away from conversations unsure.
I write and delete.
I write, post, and wonder.
I reach out and then feel stupid.
And I truly believe I am not alone.
The biggest obstacle to being THAT girl is me. I find myself confident on the outside and doubting and questioning on the inside. I am not fishing for compliments here…sometimes I am just completely insecure and I doubt my ability to make a difference.
When it comes to social situations or stepping out into new thing, we all have our own way of moving through. My sister told me once that she couldn’t believe I felt insecure in high school. I am not sure how I faked it so well that she had no idea I was wracked with insecurity and self-doubt.
I am THAT girl. Bold. Confident. Decisive. Inclusive.
BUT…I am also the OTHER girl. Insecure. Doubting. Anxious.
I have learned in my adult years that not everyone needs to see the OTHER girl. I have been hurt many times by women, leaders, and pastors when I have exposed my weaknesses. The enemy of my soul would love nothing more than to bind me up so tight that I am rendered powerless…
I am at war with the girl I am, the girl I want to be, the girl who takes risks, and the girl who wants to live below the radar.
Jesus tells me I can be THAT girl, even when I struggle with the OTHER one.
I know many of you knew me in high school and can remember my broken years. I can’t believe you would ever read anything I write today. It is humbling. When I talk with my sons at night, I tell them that middle school and high school have absolutely no determination on where they will end up in life. They don’t need to worry about peer groups, girlfriends, or social position. They have the rest of their lives to work on themselves and no one “arrives” at graduation from high school.
I know many of you gasp as you read this, but our culture puts so much emphasis on grades and sports that we are missing the character lessons that make our children conduits of hope. My prayers for my kids are that they will be a light in their schools, kind to their teachers, and friends to the kids who don’t have friends. My hope is that they would truly be the hands and feet of Jesus. Grades and sports have their place…far behind compassion, character, and integrity.
In the start of this school year, a girl who went to middle school with Elliot transferred over to his high school. At Back to School Night, she was standing off by herself. I asked Elliot to go and talk to her. He went over and started up a conversation. Since then, Elliot and his closest friend have completely included her into their world. I heard them playing on the computer and she was playing with them. When I asked Elliot about it, he told me that her family was going through a difficult time and that she was going to be okay.
I got completely choked up. Yes, I admit it. I have so gotten all soft these days.
I cried because I knew she wasn’t starting the year off alone.
I cried because I knew what it was like to go through a difficult time at a young age.
I cried because I knew what it was like to start a new school in 11th grade.
I cried because my son gets it.
Everywhere we go, people are struggling with being THAT girl or being the OTHER one. Sometimes, all it takes is someone willing to move beyond their own comfort zone and their own struggles to make a difference.
At the end of my life, I don’t care if I have a big house, fancy clothes, or a firm backside (although that would all awesome). I want to be known as the girl who made a difference and that everywhere I went, people felt included and knew they mattered.
You are not invisible.
You are not alone.
You can be THAT girl.
We are in this together.
Living Completely Undone
I am a girl passionately in love with Jesus, my husband, and my children. I am forever learning how to live a life completely undone for my God. This blog is about my journey and a few funny stories in between.